Fortune favours the brave – at least when it comes to fashion. It takes a fair amount of chutzpah to click the front door with nothing but a shoulder bag to shield your denim onesie/men’s workboots/nipple-grazing crop from the wolves. And it should. But people like Scott Schuman (aka Sartorialist), with their daily documentation of ‘street style’, have caused what I hereby name ‘dress dysmorphic disorder’ – where dumpy suburban schoolteachers – or similar – imagine themselves to be 100lbs, 5’11″ and socialites’ daughters, and shop/dress accordingly. Despite being part of the machine that edits reality for the masses (media=medium, goddit, good), I am no exception. It’s worst in vintage store fitting rooms, where a studded jockstrap as a wristlet so works. So ever since I saw these leather pants on a chic Parisian lass, and at Preen’s Fall RTW, I’ve been ob-SESSED. And they cost less than a Tall Starbucks on Portobello Rd. Unfortunately they nudge my suitcase over the luggage weight limit, so guess what I’m wearing to Paris? Wish me luck. 

Clockwise from top left: Preen FW09; Paris street style; vintage peg leg leather pants with snakeskin trim at Portobello Rd; Seven New York.

Effected denim belongs on a) 16-year-old girls, b) the saleracks at Supre, and c) the runway. Not on grown women, no matter how strong the Blue Light nostalgia. Which is why I’ve resisted mimicking Balmain’s dermis-tight marbled jean. Until now. It’s my homage to my dear friend Vanessa Laraine who, after months of sleepless nights getting online fashion mag HBTN Style off the ground, was last weekend published in a Fin Review fashion feature as premier commentator on the shapely shoulders seen at Balmain – with Year 8 art class denim. So her sartorial wish is my command; I pick up the duds tomorrow. (Hey, I still get asked for ID at discotheques you know.)

 I knew as soon as I left the hotel in this outfit that I was going to feel like an eskimo in St Tropez. Most combinations I settle on make me feel quite smug (otherwise I do a quick costume change). But this just made me feel like, well, the fashion victim I am; Erin Wasson, I’m yours. Countless instances of people staring a little too long didn’t  help, either (although it may have been because any idiot knows you don’t wear stilettos to obblestone-lined Covent Garden)! After I ditched the blazer for the vintage Diane Von Furstenburg knit I DIY studded and had been wearing as a scarf, the unsubtle British side glances contined. So tomorrow I’m wearing a sign that says ‘Fashion tragics are people too’. Or ‘Bec for Topshop’.

It’s not easy being a woman who likes food. No matter how clever you think you’re being, the proof of the pudding is in the padding – right between the thighs and tummy. So imagine my delight when I this week heard the forecast for frocks for Fall 09/10 – exaggerated hips. After a couple of strong seasons, shoulders will pass their sharp, sculptured shapes to  their cousins down south, according to the London 09/10 catwalk trend analysis published in Trendzine. Fittingly, the London retail report ticks the readier-to-wear tulip dress as a strong cool weather trend. The most dramatic (and literal) incarnation is by UK wunderkind and Opening Ceremony star Hannah Marshall, who counts the ‘Hip’ among a trio of child-bearing dresses for the cooler months. Marc Jacobs, presenting Fall 09 in February, chimed in with a frock resembling a flotation device. His solid gold version channeled the conspicuous consumption of his beloved 80s. If you’re not keen to emphasize your hips, Norma Kamali has a different take, balancing the region with geometric airspace in the Modern Sculpture dress. Either way, these frocks are so spectacular, noone will notice the croissant at your side. 

Top to bottom: Hannah Marshall Box Dress at www.openingceremony.us; Hannah Marshall’s trio of hip hiders; Marc Jacobs Fall 09; Norma Kamali Modern Sculpture dress.

sterling hits for fall 09

 Every handbag designer will tell you gold is the new silver but, teamed with black, it has a tendency to look tacky. Sterling, on the other hand, is all class. Usually I reserve heavy metals for hardware, but this cropped jacket (far left) makes me feel like a million nickels. I love it layered over the long vintage vest I bought recently in Melbourne. Reminds me of Page Six Magazine’s recent Fashion Issue cover featuring Australia’s Isla Fisher.  

Another take on my favorite metallic as outerwear is at Balmain, where the equation for Fall 09 is plus sparkly sew-ons, minus collar, equals a noughties take on Chanel’s classic skirtsuit jacket. The pattern on this pure silk jacket (second from right and bottom right) comes from tiny titanium beads. I’m in awe of the handiwork and utterly in love with the juxtaposition of OTT trim and simple, nonchalant shape.

love my new leathers!

I once visited a dominatrix. Her name was Mistress Chanel. It was research for a feature article I was writing about Melbourne’s sex scene for a Sunday newspaper supplement. It was a busy week at The House, but Chanel – bless her…him..I mean - made time between kidnappings and public humiliations to show me around. The smell of this cropped leather jacket I found yesterday is causing serious flashbacks, not only to Chanel (Mistress), but Givenchy, McQueen, Wang and the host of other houses doing S&M this season. The cut-out boots, over skinny pale jeans, are bang on trash. I mean trend.

Wilsons Leather cropped jacket $20; leather cutout ankle boots $15, both at Urban Jungle, Knickerbocker Ave, Brooklyn.

i am not creepy chan

When a guy in the thrift store on Saturday asked me if I was on America’s Next Top Model, I was confounded (for a start, I need a step ladder to reach the muesli in Key Foods), but content to take the compliment. Until I received my newsfeed from Wired about this freakish young nosebleed-fetishist who was feared online for her demonic self-portraits – before becoming runner-up on ANTM. Flattered indeed. But it did get me thinking about the current trend for freaky faces in fashion. When did we abandon the aspirational just-like-me-but-prettier/thinner/richer for if-I-looked-like-that-I’d-have-surgery or call the spaceship to take me home? Then again, clothes have become far less conservative since Cindy trod the catwalk – thanks in part to the popularization of stylegazing. I personally like the alien looks of Gemma, Masha (pictured bottom right), Sasha and Allison, and know they’re publicity paydirt. But just to clear up any confusion I’ve compiled a collage of me and Creepy. Now let me stick a pencil up your nostril.

hannah marshall's box dress heralds sculptural chic

I sometimes think if I halved the time I spend surfing fashion websites, I could do something quite useful. Like volunteer at the animal shelter. Or go shopping. One of the best things about being in New York is being able to view all these glorious items IRL (in real life). Actually, I had heart palpitations over Hannah Marshall’s Box Dress at Soho’s Opening Ceremony before I found it online. It is certainly a work of art - all tucks and texture. Only Ghesquiere does sculpture with such aplomb, and you won’t be buying Balenciaga at $1,200. Order now at www.openingceremony.us.

marc jacobs puts the pleat in denim

Of all the sartorial staples, jeans are setting speed records in terms of evolution. Or should that be revolution? From Ksubi’s so-skinny-you-need-a-coathanger-to-pull-the-zip, through Karen Walker’s breast-high flares, into the current  baggy boyfriend territory all in a matter of seasonal moments. So it should really come as no surprise that tomorrow’s denim du jour features, wait for it – pleats. And teachers’ bums. There, I said it. The best take on the distinctly 80s silhouette was  seen at Marc Jacobs for Fall 09, although speedy Swedish chain H&M has already done (and almost sold out) of a version similar to the ‘vintage’ version pictured (far right). Topshop’s onto it, too. Like with all ‘new looks’ it will take some months for the mainstream eye to adjust, so don’t expect to see it on the street just yet.  But with the shape a lynchpin in Australian wunderlabel Lover’s look book, mark my words: You’ll be ironing pleats before you know it.

L-R: Lover, Marc Jacobs, Marc Jacobs, Cheap Monday, vintage.

podiatric perennials

Days from summer, I can’t help but notice the absence of sandals on the street. On the contrary – the dominant footwear is boots. And we’re not talking peeptoe versions or those silly cage thingermibobs I blogged about this week (sooooo Monday the 11th). Oh no si-ree, these clodhoppers could squishety-squash a small child. Word is, orders are pouring in for Aussie shoesmith Tristan Blair’s patent wedge boot, due – you guessed it – first week of summer. Not sure whether that says more about New Yorkers, the times, or the insidious spells of fashion marketers. But Mother Nature hasn’t been very kind to me since I landed in the city, so I too am going to stick the boot in. YSL Studio style. Now what ever happened to end-of-season sales?

Clockwise from top left: Tristan Blair, Siren Shoes, Antonio Melani, No-Name from eBay, YSL Studio, Pierre Hardy, Tristan Blair, Acne, Lamb, Cordani Lucas, Diesel, Alice Olivia for Payless, Stella McCartney, Pinko, Sam Edelman (’06).